There’s a Hole in my Crown (for Anish)

There’s a hole in my crown

In fact, there are two.

One, a minor wound

That might otherwise be passed off for jewels.

The other is rather an abyss.

And I’m already starting to feel the ache- warrant the pain.

There’s a hole in my crown

In fact, there are two, which means there are probably more,

Others that I have yet to see.

Today, Just this morning, I decided not to look.

Last night, I decided that the pain would soon go away.

We all know how that goes:

We get used to the pain.

We learn to ignore.

We stop in excruciating back pain,

And pretend like nothing’s wrong till we’re broken.

We’ve walked around tender-footed

As if everyone experiences this pain.

Some even starve or gorge themselves to death –

Literally to death.

Some people starve or gorge themselves on sweets

And pretend that it’s love.

Some people starve or gorge themselves on attention,

And usually get caught acting out.

Some people starve or gorge themselves on credit,

Just spending like anything,

Buying nothing fulfilling,

Never managing to keep that feeling of hunger at bay.

Perhaps they prove something to someone,

But they usually prove empty to themselves.

Me?

Of course I’ll get back to me since I’ve been pointing so many fingers.

I’m guilty of all these abuses –

I’ve ignored anger,

until it turned into rage;

Ignored pain till it turned to sickness.

I’ve stuffed myself on sweets and divine drinks,

I’ve pretended nothing was wrong,

Even when all my good senses cautioned me to pay attention,

To my castle.

Now, there’s a hole in my crown,

In fact there are two.

One is so tiny,

So miniscule

That you’d think it were a precious stone –

I also treat it as such –

It’s MY hole.

The other kept me awake last night –

I could not ignore the abyss.

I tried, but here I am, like usual

Figuring it all out through dance

[cut to sound, chorus from: Do you know the Way to San Jose by Dionne Warwick]

Diepiriye: Constructing Global Citizenry